May 28, 2013 

12:13 A.M.

My happiness revolves around very few people. I think it is when you have found the clear words to define the beings that give you happiness, that you can mold your life to preserve that selfless happiness.

I like to travel far by myself, but my heart aches every time I do it. No better way to expand your mind but by meeting new people and listening to their stories. But no one can take the place of my parents, my sister, my love and my five friends. So, I can’t help but to think that it is all pretenses; the very thoroughly constructed inside jokes that can create the little bit of comfort between two new friends just for the few minutes that they will know each other. That brings me to my next thought.

Organic relationships are rare.

I say this as I look through the pictures saved on my computer, that I don’t need the internet for.

(Back story: I’m sitting on the floor of my Istanbul dorm. Charging my computer beside an ironing stand because the architect of this building was stupid enough to put only 7 electric outlets on a floor of 50 girls. They also turn off the Wi-Fi at 11:30pm which only works in the lobby.)

If my mascara runs, it will go into my eyes and it will burn. Thus, I won’t cry.

It’s amazing. To look at one single frozen second of an exciting night full of laughter, brings back the same emotions. And my heart beats faster, my smile stretches longer, and when I realize that the present is different than the picture, I start to feel melancholy.  

Then Lapdance comes on.

And I hit next to the next picture so I’m entitled to another few minutes of happiness.